We talk a lot about personal rights in today’s world—especially in the United States. Culture says we’re owed sexual fulfillment. We’re entitled to romance.
But what God says about sex and relationships is entirely different. If we follow Paul’s logic from the rest of 1 Corinthians, relationships—as with everything else in the Christian life—should be entirely others-centered. Relationships aren’t about us.
That’s a completely different message from what we hear. Romance is supposed to make us happy. It’s supposed to leave us sexually satisfied. It’s supposed to make us feel secure.
Except, Paul says it’s not. Because relationships aren’t about you.
Read back through what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:1-9.
1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.
1 Corinthians 7 (NLT)
His words would have shocked the Corinthians who lived in a culture where marriage was primarily about legal standing and sexual fulfillment for men. Women didn’t matter. They got married to avoid poverty, to please their fathers, or to keep from public shame.
Paul steps in and flips the cultural idea of marriage on its head. In just a few verses, Paul shatters the conventional view of marriage the Corinthians had—and the one we might have ourselves. He says marriage should serve the other person.
That’s a good message for married and single people alike. If you have a spouse, he or she is not built to satisfy you. They can’t. Our goal in marriage shouldn’t be to live happily ever after. It should be to care for, listen to, and meet the needs of your spouse. Of course, the hope is that you and your spouse would serve each other and both of you would have your needs met. But it’s not guaranteed. And it’s not something you’re owed. Marriage is a risk.
And, if you aren’t married, hold on to this truth: Marriage is not the end game. It will not fulfill you. It can’t. Your life isn’t about your pleasure or joy or relationship status. It’s about God. It’s about his people.
We’re back to talking about the risky, others-centered life again. It’s terrifying to focus only on your spouse in marriage. What if your needs don’t get met? It’s also scary to let go of a romanticized view of marriage. What if daydreams are the closest you’ll ever get to saying “I do”?
Spend the next five minutes in prayer. Talk to God about the worries you have about being married or single. Ask him all your questions. And then listen to his voice.
How does Paul’s concept of marriage and singleness sit with you?
Text your response to the above prompting questions to your group and/or share it as a comment below
How does Paul’s concept of marriage and singleness sit with you?
I love what Paul says about marriage and singleness. Our hope lies in God & I recognize that my relationship with Him is the foundation for my future marriage. I pray that I continue to build my life around him and serve him with intention during my singleness. My end goal shouldn’t entirely be marriage, but a hope that I find someone with the same mindset to have a Christ-centered marriage.
I have a lot of questions after reading this chapter but the one point I got out of what paul was sharing is that being married and being single require the same actions and dedication. As both single and married. We are called to care, listen, and meet the needs of others. The only difference is that being married you’re legally tied to each other. My question is, why does Paul prefer singleness over being married?