[The first son of David,] Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, “Please let my half-sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish. Then I can eat it from her own hands.” So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon’s house to prepare some food for him. When Tamar arrived at Amnon’s house, she baked his favorite dish for him. But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. “Everyone get out of here,” Amnon told his servants. So they all left. Then he said to Tamar, “Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here.” So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me!” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her. “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!” So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head, with her face in her hands, she went away crying. Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you?” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house. When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry. And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister. Two years later, when Absalom’s sheep were being sheared at Baal-hazor near Ephraim, Absalom invited all the king’s sons to come to a feast… Absalom told his men, “Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don’t be afraid. I’m the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!” So at Absalom’s signal they murdered Amnon. Then the other sons of the king jumped on their mules and fled… And David mourned many days for his son Amnon. Absalom fled to his grandfather, Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. He stayed there in Geshur for three years. And King David, now reconciled to Amnon’s death, longed to be reunited with his son Absalom.
2 Samuel 13:6–23, 28-29, 37-39 NLT
As the tragedy unfolded, David’s barren first wife Michal confided to Rizpah, the wise woman from the house of Saul, and received this reply:
Michal, my precious remnant from the House of Saul,
I received your letter, and my heart aches for the turmoil and pain you have experienced. Your journey of sorrow and suffering through the successive royal families resonates deeply with me. The mix of emotions you feel – sorrow, frustration, and even a sense of vindication – are all understandable responses to the events unfolding around you.
Your reflections on the current chaos, stemming from the tragic incidents involving Tamar, Amnon, and Absalom, bring to light the profound impact of our actions and choices, not just on ourselves but on those around us and even on future generations. This is where the concept of ‘generational sin’ becomes particularly poignant.
In the Commandment, we see that the consequences of sin can ripple through generations [1]. David’s sins, particularly those involving Bathsheba, set in motion a series of events that have impacted the entire family. This is more about the natural consequences of sin rather than a punitive decree from God. For instance, a family where deceit or anger is commonplace might see these behaviors echoed in future generations [2]. It’s a stark reminder that our sins, especially when they become idols in our hearts, can sow seeds of similar behaviors in those who follow us. David’s inability to address the wrongs within his own family, possibly hindered by his past sins, is a tragic example of this. It’s as if his moral authority was compromised, making it difficult for him to discipline and instruct his children effectively [3]. This failure may have contributed to the heartbreaking events you are witnessing [4].
It is heart-wrenching to see the innocent like Tamar suffers as a result of others’ sins. This is part of the brokenness of our world. But remember, God didn’t create our world in this way. We ruined His creation [5]. But God is a God of justice and mercy. He sees every injustice and every pain. In Him, there is hope for healing and redemption, even in the most difficult circumstances [6].
Therefore, Michal, it’s crucial to remember that while we are influenced by our family and our past, we are not bound by it. Each person is also responsible for their own actions. “The soul who sins is the one who will die. A child will not bear the iniquity of a parent, and the parent will not bear the iniquity of the child” [7]. The Lord judges each person according to their own righteousness and sin. Each of us has the opportunity to break the cycle, to choose a path of righteousness and healing.
I encourage you to seek the Lord in this time of turmoil. He is close to the brokenhearted and offers healing and redemption [8]. Your identity and worth are found in Him, not in the shadows of the past or the turmoil of the present. May you find peace and strength in His unfailing love.
With heartfelt prayers,
Rizpah
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[1] The first of the Ten Commandments said in Exodus 20:4–6, “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.” Note the context of this commandment is about worshiping anything else other than God (ie. if you adore money in life, your kids will learn that from you). Other references in generational sins are: Exodus 34:6-7, Numbers 14:18, and Deuteronomy 5:8-10, which always mentioned in conjunction with God’s mercy and grace.
[2] We see this illustration of generational sin when Isaac repeated the same lie “She is my sister” in Genesis 26 just like his father Abraham in Genesis 12 and 20
[3] Ephesians 6:4 said that fathers should raise kids by both “the discipline and instruction of the Lord“. David failed on both counts since his sins haunted and hindered him.
[4] Our failures should not be an excuse for avoiding teaching God’s truth. Even David said in Psalm 51:12–13, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.” But he failed like us, not doing what we know what we should do.
[5] Based on Romans 8:19–22, we can conclude that suffering which did not directly involved human’s agency (such as natural disasters) also the results of the fall of humanity into sin at creation.
[6] Revelation 21:1-4 speaks of a new heaven and a new earth, where God “will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
[7] Some might take the generational sin idea to the fatalistic extreme. Therefore, Ezekiel 18 made a counter-argument against blaming everything on our forefathers, especially in Eze. 18:20
[8] “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalm 34:18)
Understanding our families history can help us make better decisions. We can learn from their mistakes to not repeat them but rather grow from them. This is easier said than done. Often times, we grow up seeing the mistake modeled for us over and over again. It will take time, effort, and intentionality to change. We need to learn tools and gather resources to do things differently. We need to have a mindset shift. All these things are challenging but important. Breaking the cycle of “generational sin” requires a lot of work. Ultimately, we need God’s grace, strength, and wisdom.
“it’s crucial to remember that while we are influenced by our family and our past, we are not bound by it. Each person is also responsible for their own actions. “The soul who sins is the one who will die. A child will not bear the iniquity of a parent, and the parent will not bear the iniquity of the child”
Growing up as the oldest of three children. There were a lot of high expectations for me, from the age of 6 to 16 I was that over achiever , as a matter of fact my brother and little sister really looked up to me until I can’t really take it anymore , I rebelled, got married and had my oldest at a very young age, got into drugs and long story short , here I am. The point of this is that i don’t want to be so hard on myself and be like my parents , as somewhat overbearing . My brother become a drug addict at a very young age at 16 and I become one myself at 21 .
I don’t want to pass this on to anyone and so today I let god run my life. Like that quote, we are influenced by our family and our past but we are not bound to it and have to live that way.
I’m grateful that I found god again. I’m grateful for his grace and I can’t stress enough how blessed I am to have overcome many obstacles in my life at the same time know how to get back to being a decent human being. It’s all gods blessings .
I’ll forever be God’s humbled servant and to serve and love and be kind . Show compassion to others as god has shown me.
Understand family history can reveal many things. You learn many struggles and reasons behind actions. We could also learn from our actions and prevent them from happening again in the future. I learned a lot about my family past because I was always so curious. It seems there was a lot of suffering and sacrifice in the family. My parents always had it hard since day one. I understand the hardship they had to go through. My father side coming over here from Vietnam with nothing and my Mother side had problems here. My father over time went through a lot but today he is would say “he made it” and My mom has become the strongest person I know. I don’t understand how after everything she’s been through. She always reminds me it’s God that gives her the strength to battle the wars she has everyday. This would remind me to believe in him everyday. The present and the future always put your faith into God. It may seems it’s hard at first but at the end from what I saw the works of God is that it always ends Great. God is always there protecting us.
I can make better decisions and know what I should avoid by understanding my family history. By looking at my family history, I can know how many sinful things my ancestors have done and how merciful He was to forgive all of us. This reflection helps me appreciate the importance of learning from the past and striving to be more like Jesus.
(from Roger)
Understanding our family history is instrumental in helping us make better choices for our future and our future generations. By understanding our own history, we can gain a deeper understanding of what ails us and be aware of when this type of generational sin starts trickling down in our lives or the lives of our children. We will be more aptly aware of the warning signs and hopefully share our wisdom and solution so that some of the sin can be avoided or dealt with quickly. I know for me, there are no other addicts in my family but for me, the negative or almost criminal mindset definitely was passed down from my father to me. His need to always come out on top, cut corners, lie, and cheat definitely became a mantra in my life. I mean I still remember when he used to tell me “lie, cheat and steal to get what you want”. He just always had to come out on top and I carried that same mentality with me into early adulthood even though at that time I really didn’t like the man my father was and wanted to be nothing like him. Yet, unbeknownst to me, he was my role model and I became more and more like him as time passed. If I had known what I know today abt generational sin and more so, addiction, and how it’s tentacles reach all parts of one’s life, I would have sought solution earlier but I am truly grateful for the path I’ve travelled because I now have the wisdom and knowledge I have today. Knowledge is power and should I be blessed with having offspring, I will make sure they definitely know the power of god and what his grace can do for us. Although I finally found him now, after so long in bondage, I am grateful that I have found him. That’s what I would impress upon anyone struggling today. That I can’t, he can and so I’ll let him. God is working miracles in my life and although my father never was a believer (at least to my knowledge) I am and I believe that will be instrumental in breaking this continuation of generational sin, both in my life and my children,
I initially thought I was engrossed in a novel, but this is an account of real-life events, a true story. It’s astonishing to contemplate how David, the man after God’s own heart, could have children like Amnon, who committed such a grave sin with his step-sister. Sin truly operates like a contagious disease, passing through generations. This reflection reminds me of the potential inherited flaws or traits I may have passed on to my own children. It also makes me aware of how I resemble my mom in certain aspects I don’t particularly admire.
While we are influenced by our family and our past, we are not imprisoned by them. Each person is responsible for their actions and, more importantly, their own salvation. ‘Your identity and worth are found in the Lord, not in the shadows of the past or the turmoil of the present.’ What a comforting truth to embrace. Lord, your boundless love is evident in how you choose not to burden us with the sins of our parents or our sins on our children. You have rescued and redeemed us, granting us a new identity in you.
I think knowing about our family history can help us see the success and struggles that each generation has. Sometimes those things can pass on from generation to generation. Obviously God made everyone differently but I can see myself lately as I get older have a lot of similarities as my parents. I can see the struggle that my mom has and i see it in myself or even my dad as well. They are resources to help you grow on the success you had or grow from the struggles they had.
Having more of a clear view of our generational sin should allow us to see how great sin can affect families from generation to generation. We would be able to see and learn from the sin and pray that our generation our not need to experience the same. It wouldn’t be just for us to know or to do but to really see how much we need Jesus to save us from the cruelty of sin
From Teri
We often see children very much behave like their parents because their parents are who they model after. The parents probably followed the grandparents’ footsteps and so on and so forth.. So to some extent, each family carries the traditions and teachings of our family’s previous generations. If we understand our family’s history, we can learn from it. We learn to keep the good traditions and forgo the bad ones. Overtime, if we keep going on this path, each generation thereafter will have more of the good than the bad.